Living in China I have felt extremely liberated by the single life. If I want to go out of town at the drop of a hat nobody is blowing up my phone and in actuality I don't have to tell unless someone asks. If I want to wear pajamas all day on the weekends I damn well can. If I want to have girls night, I can, anytime I want. My priority is doing things that make ME happy. It's quite nice.
A few months before leaving home I was introduced to probably the worst and best app available. On this particular night I was out a college bar relieving the pain of an ex over their beer pitcher and appetizer special. Don't say you wouldn't do the same. My friend quoted a popular Ke$ha song with a slight twist,"It's going down, I'm yelling Tinder!" Tell me about this app my friend, how do I use Tinder?
1. Display your best pictures. The ones with the skinny arm, maybe a bikini pic, a picture you don't remember taking, and a selfie.
2. Profile info is crucial. What is actually important? Only the superficial.
3. You are ready! Start looking for people near you and like or dislike them solely on looks and hope for lots of matches.
Although I cannot say I am proud of using this app it never ceases to entertain. I think it is human and perhaps ties to our animalistic roots to only go for the most dashing gentleman in the pub. Law of the jungle. Under the shield of the internet I have received some of the most absurd messages that I would probably never hear if the interaction took place in public. This is where you go to meet the real winners. The smooth talkers. Below are some Tinder quotes from various men in the Erie, Pennsylvania area. To protect the innocent all I will post are the quotes.
"Hey girl. What is that sorority you're in?"
"Where do you live? You home right now?"
"You're hot! Ouch, I'm on fire!"
"Didn't we go to the same high school? Do you still have your uniform?"
What swell pickings we have in Erie.
I deleted the app and did not think to use it again until Thailand. I was surrounded by people from all over the world. Maybe the small town boys were just actual morons. I was relaxing in my hostel's common room and saw a girl swiping away on Tinder. Being a graduate in communications I knew this was an excellent opportunity for a communications/social experiment. I re-downloaded the app and started swiping.
I immediately started getting matches of people from Sweden, Germany, United Kingdom, Ireland, Argentina and Brazil. My lazy afternoon finally got interesting. I messaged a few of them and got some even better one liners than I could have expected.
"I am terrified of dogs. I think they are going to bite and attack me."
"I miss my apartment in Spain. I had so many pot plants."
"I only work two months out of the year."
"I am so over cheap backpacking hostels. I am staying at a very expensive hotel in Koh Samui."
"I won't talk about what I did at the Full Moon party in 2008."
Despite the utter absurdity of these quotes the people I met on Tinder in Thailand were significantly more intelligent and of course well traveled. Nobody asked where I live, the whereabouts of my school uniform, or about my sorority. One of the Germans showed me all these parts of the island I could have never found on my own. I was also shown the cheapest restaurant on the island. Mr.Expensive hotel told me all about getting a diving certification to where I am now tempted to look into it. Mr. Barely Works came and met all of my friends and then disappeared 20 minutes later. You can't expect a great attention span. Mr.Full Moon Shame, if you don't want to talk about it I won't ask, communications graduates don't fall for probes like that.
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